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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329182">never enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryv0id/pseuds/starryv0id'>starryv0id</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Simpsons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:55:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329182</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryv0id/pseuds/starryv0id</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"She regretted being afraid and distancing herself. She regretted not trying at the very least to become closer to them. But she was also envious, because she knew that no matter how much she tried, she will never be as close to each of them as they were close to each other. She knew that she could never share that bond. And that tore her apart, especially when used to hear their voices in the opposite room, talking and fighting and laughing together." A oneshot in which Maggie reflects on her relationship with her older siblings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>never enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello there, this is the 1st fic i publish on ao3, even tho the simpsons tag on here is pratcically dead, i still think it's the superior website. i've always wished that the show would explore maggie's relationship with her siblings more and this is what inspired me to write this. i hope you'll like it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Boredom. A very dreadful feeling that fills you and makes you feel like you are wasting your precious time waiting knowing full well that there isn't anything worth waiting for. The time passes very slowly and you can even hear the sound of a clock ticking in your head and making you even more frustrated.</p><p>Maggie had never felt more bored in her entire life. She was trying so hard to hide it because it would hurt Mom, who worked "her butt off" - as she says it - to pull this birthday party for her. It's was her 9th birthday and her family tried to throw a surprise party for her, which wasn't exactly a surprise since Dad asked her yesterday morning what colors she wanted her balloons to be and ended up getting an eyeroll from Lisa and a nudge from Mom.</p><p>It wasn't that the party was bad. The decorations were kinda cute, and the birthday cake that Mom prepared for her was very delicious. And she invited some of her friends too, which was also cool. However, she wasn't fully able to enjoy most of it.</p><p>Maggie was feeling very strange. She just couldn't help it. Her nine-year-old self wasn't able to understand and analyze the weird feelings that she's been filled with, but she definitely knew that she was not okay. Something has been bothering her, but she wasn't able to point out exactly what it was. Sure, she was happy that she grew one year older and she was probably strong enough now to beat up Gerald, the dick who loved stealing her lunch and lifting her skirt in front of the other kids to embarrass her. Maggie hadn't stopped using the word "dick" ever since she heard her older brother use it in front of her so many times. She really loved that word. Not only because she felt like a rebel for using it, and Mom's disappointed reaction whenever she hears her saying the word will never stop being priceless, but also because it was one of the very few things that her brother has taught her. She could never forget his face when he heard her repeat it for the 1st time. He seemed very proud. "Little sis is expanding her vocabulary...Ahh they grow so fast!" he wiped a fake tear out of his eye. "Just don't say this in front of Homer. And by this, I mean please say it in front of him. Don't tell them that I'm swearing in front of you though. Let's keep this our secret and I will teach you more words in the future." He winked, and little Maggie couldn't stop giggling. She kept thinking about that moment for days. It was very rare for her and Bart to hang out, and their bond wasn't very strong, so these small and dumb moments like this meant so much to her.</p><p>He hasn't taught her any new words.</p><p>She sighed.</p><p>So far, her 9th birthday wad been okay. Ling was there, which was...okay, even though they always ended up fighting in the end over the smallest things and they talked to each other less. Both her aunts were there. She started gagging when aunt Patti kissed her, the stinky stench of cigarettes filling her nostrils and making her sick. Aunt Selma ruffled her hair very, very gently, ruining her haircut and accidentally removing a couple of her bee-shaped hair clippers (that she stole from Ling, she was sure that aunt Selma noticed that which is probably why she was being very gentle with her). Other guests were Grandpa (who surprisingly hadn't died yet despite his son's neglect), her classmates Tom and Zoya and of course Mom, Dad, Bart and Lisa. Tom had to go back home because he peed himself after drinking a lot of apple juice (what a sissy, Maggie thought. She definitely had something to blackmail him with now. Also, the concept of blackmail was introduced to her unsurprisingly by her brother, another rare thing that he taught her. She still cherished the word deeply). Zoya's mom had to pick her up because she couldn't miss her ballet lessons (Maggie had always shown an interest in ballet after knowing that her sister had a few lessons in the past, yet she still didn't know much about it. Lisa didn't tell her much, unfortunately), and she was getting sick of aunt Selma bragging about her daughter's achievements. Whenever aunt Selma mentioned Ling in Maggie's presence, she made it sound like there's a competition between the two. Who is better school, who's better at sports, who's better at other extracurricular activities...Maggie never saw Ling as a rival. In fact, she was very happy to have someone in the family who has the same age as her, but aunt Selma's obsession with her daughter's success created a lot of unnecessary tension between the two girls. Aunt Selma wants Ling to be great at everything, almost as good as Lisa, and this is why she keeps comparing the little girls to each other. Maggie was getting sick of it. She already gets compared to Lisa enough by everyone.</p><p>Speaking of Lisa, Maggie hasn't seen her for full twenty-three minutes. twenty-three minutes and forty-four seconds to be exact. Her birthday had been so boring that she started counting the seconds that kept passing. It felt like her birthday party has been going on forever. She just wanted to lock herself in her room and open her presents.</p><p>A sound of laughter made its way to Maggie's ears. Someone was actually enjoying themselves at this party? She was very curious. At the corner of her eye she was able to spot both her siblings laughing together. They were sharing stories about their high school and making jokes about teachers who taught there. They were having a lot of fun. Maggie wanted to join them, to laugh and joke with them. But she couldn't. She knew that. She knew that no matter how much she tried, she would never be as close to them as they were with each other. She tried so hard to integrate herself with them, to turn that duo into a trio, but it never works. And even though they let her join them most of the time, she had always felt distant from them. She had always felt that way. The age gap between her and each of her siblings, although not very big, was one of the main reasons why she couldn't connect with them, why she felt so left out in their presence. She was sure that they loved her, she loved the both of them so deeply as well, but she couldn't help but feel like they're always ignoring her, always leaving her behind. They weren't doing it on purpose, Maggie kept telling herself, but it still hurts. She felt very lonely on many different occasions and it's starting to take a toll on her young and childish spirit. She tried to get closer to Ling, but it's not the same, and even if Ling lived very close to her family, her aunts were pitting them against each other. They loved to remind Maggie that Ling was the overachiever, the smart and talented Lisa Simpson copy. Maggie would never forget the times Ling came crying to Mom, complaining about all the pressure that aunt Patti and aunt Selma were putting her under. She would never forget how she used to beg her mother to let her play with Maggie in the weekends saying that she wasn't enjoying a lot of the hobbies that they signed her up for, and aunt Selma refusing to listen to her and forcing her to carry on, just to brag about her to the people she knows. Maggie could never get over the time Ling called her a distraction with such arrogance and disgust that left Maggie in tears.</p><p>Her relationship with Ling has always left her wondering about her siblings' relationship again, because Maggie knows that this same scenario happened many, many times as well. Her parents compared them, teachers compared them, random people in Springfield compared them. And yet despite everything, they were still close, and even closer at the moment as they used to be years ago. She has always wondered what kind of bond never gets broken when people keep pointing out the differences between the people in the relationship. She's always envied them for that bond.</p><p>That's when Maggie realized what was wrong with her. Envy. Regret. Her birthday was their last "big" family gathering before Bart goes to college. Maggie knew that he'd been waiting to leave for years. She realized that her brother was finally about to start his life, and she didn't spend enough time with him. She felt like he was leaving before she got to know him, unlike Lisa who knew almost all his secrets just like he knew hers. She wished that he would sneak to her room and talk to her in the middle of the night just like he did with Lisa. She wished that her sister would invite her to their small night talks. But they never did, and Maggie regretted not being bold and inviting herself. She tried to tell herself that the conversations they had were too complicated for her to understand, that she didn't know the people they knew, but that didn't mean that she couldn't hold a conversation with them. However, her own insecurities and the fear that wouldn't enjoy her stories has always stopped her. She was torn apart between trying so desperately to join them and share their bond, and distancing herself because she didn't want to be an intruder and a nuisance.</p><p>Maggie regretted all of that. She regretted being afraid and distancing herself. She regretted not trying at the very least to become closer to them. But she was also envious, because she knew that no matter how much she tried, she will never be as close to each of them as they were close to each other. She knew that she could never share that bond. And that tore her apart, especially when used to hear their voices in the opposite room, talking and fighting and laughing together, while she twisted and turned in her bed thinking about how much she missed Ling's company. She tried to think about other things, but the only other thing that was happening at that moment was the dull part, and she didn't want to fall asleep thinking about how boring it was.</p><p>She tried to think about the situation more positively. She tried to look at the bright side, that if it exists. Bart leaving wouldn't be this bad right? Maybe this could give her more time to bond with Lisa. After all, she was closer to her older sister than she was closer to her older brother. For a split second, Maggie started to feel slightly better, even though that feeling of envy is still lurking inside her heart. She would hang out with her older sister more and when her brother would visit them, she would hang out with him too. But Maggie realized something else, Lisa will start college after two years, and two years is not enough. No matter how many times she tries to share their relationship, she gets reminded that it was not possible. A duo will always be a duo, and, Maggie selfishly thought, if she couldn't have the same amount of closeness to each one of them, she would never bee satisfied. A bitter laugh escaped her lips, and Maggie was surprised by her reaction. She saw a lot of teenagers laughing bitterly in the coming of age movies that Lisa was really into, and that she tried so hard to relate too but she couldn't - another factor that stepped between her and her siblings – but at that moment she felt like was starting her teenage angst phase way too earlier. Ironic, Maggie thought, just when she started to relate to those teenage movie protagonists, her siblings started to leave.</p><p>Bart's laugh was so loud and obnoxious, he was waving his arms frantically in the air, imitating this person that only him and her older sister knew, and he was struggling so hard to not pour his drink on Lisa who was giggling loudly as well and wiping some tears from her eye.</p><p>"What's wrong sweetie pie? Are you alright?" Mom's worried voice came from behind her, and Maggie realized that her lower lip was trembling.</p><p>"It's..It's nothing Mom" She smiled reassuringly. "I think I have a tummy ache."</p><p>"Hmmm…maybe you ate too much cake, I told you kids not eat too much sweets…" Mom sighed, and Maggie excused herself to go to the bathroom. She couldn't cry, not here at least. Bart and Lisa wouldn't notice her anyway, for they seemed very absorbed in their story and it was like they completely forgot about the world around them, and she didn't want aunt Selma and aunt Patti watching her cry either. She'd been mocked enough by them, and she didn't want them to watch her with amusement and worry as she cried on her birthday.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>don't forget to leave a review! they're always appreciated, considering that this is my 1st fic on this site :3 i apologize for spelling and grammar mistakes if they exist, for english is not my 1st language.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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